TABLOID HEAVEN

Where to begin? Click for better view:

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HYENA DIGS UP BODIES

This is the greatest news story even written:

New York Times – June 17, 1897

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POOPING POSTIE CAUGHT DEFECATING (AND NOT WIPING) IN BACKYARD

Don Derfler is not happy.  Especially not at 00:41. From Derfler’s face to the brash female reporter, this is a video all well-informed citizens NEED TO WATCH.

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March 3, 2011 · 9:00 am

Former Toilet Paper King’s company goes down the shitter

Free market my ass! YET AGAIN, socialism for corporations and $5.5million bonuses for banking execs but wage slavery, exploding mines, austerity and modest ambitions for everyone else. FUCK CRONY CAPITALISM.

Spencer family’s Equitable Mortgages calls in receiver

Taxpayers to bailout Equitable Mortgages

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CRETINOUS SELF-PORTRAIT-TAKING INCOHERENT IMBECILE MAKES FRONT PAGE OF DINGUS MAGAZINE WITH MENDACIOUS ONLINE ANTICS

DINGUS MAGAZINE reports on Thami Mzileni. Amazingly, this story of someone so dumb he makes Malema look like a person with an IQ of at least 101 isn’t a parody!

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SPOOGE REPORT IS BACK WITH A BANG (OR A BALLAD FOR SARAH MAC)

Sarah I have started a band and we have written this ballad for you. It is on the B-side (that’s B for “best”) of our upcoming LP.

Sensei, six months have passed
since I saw you last
But the pain just hasn’t disappeared

Sensei back in the day
You taught us the way
To write ten words of gibb’rish in a second

Ohhhhhhhhh Sensei I need you now
at night, do you hear me now
Calling in the darkness for your blue or red shirt
 
Sensei, I sense your power
When I walk past the Tower
And I’m tempted to go inside to somehow find you

Sensei although Rod Kidd
was your favourite, I hid
a deep desire every day for your guidance
 
Ohhhhhhhhh Sensei I need you now
at night, do you hear me now
Calling in the darkness for your blue or sometimes red shirt
 
Sensei, tragi-cally
Eight A.M was early,
much too early, much too early, to absorb your pearls of wisdom
 
Sensei in hindsight
I wish I’d stayed in at night
I missed you most mornings and I’m shorthand-illiterate

That’s why Sensei I need you now
at night, do you hear me now
Calling in the darkness for your blue or sometimes red shirt

Picture by Lloyd P.

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